


Tomorrow is my turn

by girlwithabird42



Series: Once more for the ages [37]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Back to School, Gen, personal closure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 17:11:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwithabird42/pseuds/girlwithabird42
Summary: As Ellie readies for high school, she readies herself and tends to loose ends.





	Tomorrow is my turn

Dinner at Tommy and Maria’s as a guest, rather a resident, feels like a special event. Maybe because they in the dining room instead of at the kitchen table. Maybe because Joel and Tommy just do better with a little space apart. Ellie doesn’t dwell on it too much.

She lets Nike curl up in her lap at the table. He’ll be too big for it soon and he shouldn’t really be allowed but Ellie likes indulging him. His nose rests on the table and although Ellie pushes her plate out of reach, Joel doesn’t even need to turn his head, just cast a glance at her.

“Time to go,” Ellie mutters, gently shoving Nike off. He trots over to Buckley, who stays a respectable distance from the dinner table.

“Summer’s winding down,” Tommy says. “You ready for school, Ellie?”

Ellie’s stomach flips, but Sarah speaks first, “You gotta remind us? We’re enjoying our last weeks of freedom.”

They all laugh, even Ellie, if a bit nervously.

“Leave the kid alone, Tommy,” Tess rolls her eyes.

Sarah’s laid some of the groundwork to keep Ellie on track with her peers, but the fact remains Ellie’s lost an entire year of school. Not only will she have to make all-new friends, she has to doubly keep up with classes.

“Joel and I are meeting with a guidance counselor this week to pick out my classes. And I’m mostly done with my summer reading.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but Ellie should be done by the first day.

“You’ll get the hang of it quick,” Joel says confidentially, taking some of the pressure off Ellie in the moment.

She shoots him a tiny smile. She sees a twitch of a smile back.

Ellie’s been enjoying herself, but suddenly she’s in need of some fresh air. Nike’s been licking Buckley since he was pushed away from the table; while the older dog’s tolerated it, it’s only a matter of time before he won’t anymore.

“Gonna take Nike for a little walk before he makes Buckley crazy.”

“Take something, it’s getting cooler out there,” Maria calls to Ellie’s retreating back.

Ellie waves to her and grabs the picnic blanket folded by the back door, throwing it over her shoulders. She lingers for a moment on the porch; it takes a few seconds for the adults’ conversation to resume, muffled behind the door.

Nike darts out ahead of her a little on the dark trail, stopping occasionally to see that Ellie’s still following.

“Yeah, yeah, you goof,” she grumbles good-naturedly as he barks her alone.

The trees clear up by the side of the pond, presenting a sky with a million stars. Ellie didn’t appreciate them enough on their year-long journey or even at camp. She never saw so many in Boston and although she knows it’s just her imagination, Wyoming must have more stars than anywhere else. So many possibilities glittering before her.

Ellie pulls the blanket off her shoulders, spreading it out on the bank. She shudders, but it’s not so cold yet that she can see her breath. She knows cold. She’ll never let herself be that cold again.

With another shiver, Nike curls up against her side. She’d have to face this all sometime and she’s feeling better about school since returning to Jackson and certainly since summer camp.

But if she knew just _one_ person going in, it would be that much easier. Cassie’s far away over the ocean. Not for the first time, Ellie thinks about Sam, but has no way of knowing where he is – she wishes she had an address or even a phone number for him.

And Riley…

Nike stands up abruptly looking back towards the way they came. It’s only a matter of moments before Ellie hears the footfalls herself. Her eyes adjust to Joel’s silhouette coming from the dark trees.

Without a word, he sits down beside her, warmth radiating towards her. “How you doin’ kiddo?”

“Okay.” Ellie isn’t lying, despite the uncertainties and things nagging at her conscious.

“Yeah?” He sounds surprised and in spite of his question, he doesn’t doubt her. “Listen, I’m not gonna say high school’s all sunshine and daisies. God knows I did my share of screwing it up. But you’ll do okay, Ellie. I know it.”

“Thanks.” Ellie lets out a long sigh, resting her head against Joel’s shoulder.

Something buried, the root of all Ellie’s worries is at the tip of her tongue. She tugs at her sleeve, though there’s no seeing her scar in the dark.

“What about the cordyceps?”

\----------

It’s not that Joel hasn’t been thinking about the little vial Ellie’s been carrying every day since last summer, there’s just been a lot of other things going on too. The adoption, finding a place, reconnecting with Sarah and Tommy, Tess, his health – funny how something so dire could rank so low.

Ellie can’t keep it on her forever, Joel is certain of that much, even if she’s otherwise willing.

“Keeping it in the house makes this place vulnerable,” Tess says the next evening as Joel washes the dishes.

“And a wild animal could find it if we bury it in the woods,” Ellie counters.

“We’ll come up with something,” Joel says quietly. “Sooner rather than later.”

He takes the day to take Ellie to the high school, the parking lot still empty of students. They both sit in the truck for a moment.

“You scared?” Ellie jokes.

Joel lets out a bark of a chuckle. “That obvious, huh? It’s been awhile since I’ve had a parent teacher conference.”

Not that any of Sarah’s teachers had anything to say other than that she was ‘a pleasure to have in class.’ But Joel can’t shake the memory of being mistaken for Sarah’s brother by her first grade teacher. He grew out his beard and never looked back.

“Yeah well it’s my ass on the line here,” Ellie reminds him.

Joel nods, “Then you may want to watch your language.”

Ellie scrunches up her nose in annoyance, but Joel knows she’ll behave.

They walk into the building side by side, but Joel notices Ellie falls a step behind him when the secretary points them to an office down the hall. Joel gently nudges her through the door first.

“Ellie? It’s nice to meet you,” the councilor reaches his hand across the desk. “Take a seat. Dad, I’ve got some forms for you.”

Joel opens his mouth to correct him, but attention is back on Ellie.

While they run through the curriculum, Joel fills out papers he must have filled out a hundred times before. On autopilot, he almost accidentally checks ‘parent’ for himself, but catches it just in time.

Ellie’s asking about the music class as Joel stares at the adjacent ‘guardian’ box. Filling out everything in triplicate for the adoption office, it’s not the first time Joel’s identified himself as Ellie’s guardian, but it’s no less significant.

There was no paperwork to prove who Sarah was to him – not immediately anyway. Ellie was hard-won; Joel doesn’t take that lightly.

He checks it off.

“And as for clubs –”

“Oh I don’t know about that,” Ellie starts to protest, eyes pleading for Joel to let her off the hook.

“We’ll talk about it,” Joel says firmly. While it’s not a bad idea, he isn’t about to force Ellie into anything she doesn’t want to do.

The councilor looks over Joel’s paperwork, prints off Ellie’s schedule and walks them around the building, stopping at Ellie’s future locker. It’s already plastered with faded and torn stickers from bands that haven’t been popular in years.

“I think that’s about everything. See you in two weeks, Ellie.”

They linger outside for a moment after.

“What do you think?” Joel hazards.

“It’s big.”

“Mine was bigger.”

Ellie rolls her eyes. “Jesus Joel, this isn’t a contest.”

But Joel’s already on a roll, teasing, “Everything’s bigger in Texas.”

It earns him a shove; he puts an arm around her shoulders, stealing a glance at her schedule.

“Hope music appreciation’s good. You’ve already got a sharp ear.”

“You said you did archery in high school. You think they’ll let me do it in gym?”

“Dunno. That was a long time ago and I don’t think there was too much of it by the time Sarah got there. But if you’re gonna get all jock on me, why don’t you try out for football? Someone in our family’s gotta redeem Tommy’s stint.”

“Absolutely not, old man.”

Joel laughs as he climbs into the car, ready to go home.

\----------

When Ellie walks out of her room one morning with yet another one of Sarah’s ill-suited hand-me-downs, Tess’s mind is made up. “Taking you shopping when I get home tonight.”

Ellie’s face scrunches up in distaste, “Do we have to?”

“If you want to keep dressing like someone else, sure.”

That changes Ellie’s mind real quick.

Joel watches Tess closely from over the rim of his mug.

“Thought you didn’t want anything to do with parenting,” he murmurs once Ellie heads to the bathroom.

Tess huffs, “You may know about raising teenage girls, but you weren’t ever one yourself. Trust me on this.”

“Hearing a lot of that from Sarah, Maria, and you.”

“We ain’t wrong,” Tess says, eyebrow raised.

He snorts in indulgent recognition; impulsively, she plants a swift kiss on him.

The drive into town that evening is quiet, save the radio station Ellie insists on putting on. Tess steals a glance of her when the road allows it.

Joel’s completely right: the girl’s got an old soul and that’s why they get on so well. But Tess also recognizes the hell-raising rebel just lurking under Ellie’s sad surface. Tess’s childhood wasn’t fun or easy but it’s a fraction of what the kid’s faced in the past year.

Ellie stands in front of the mall directory with a blank stare on her face.

“Got any ideas where you want to start?”

“Uhmmm…”

“I know where I would have gone at your age.”

Ellie stands open-mouthed but clearly smiling at the all black, blaring music storefront. She looks back at Tess. “Seriously?”

“Easiest way to piss off my mom was to look like I just came from a death metal concert. Dyed my hair, almost pierced my tongue –”

“You didn’t.”

Tess sticks out her unpunctured tongue. “She caught me at the last minute.”

“That could have been fun though. What did your dad think?”

Tess’s face falls slightly. Teenage grief takes funny forms. Sure, she misses him, but she isn’t about to make him into something he wasn’t.

“Daddy was less… firm in his opinions. I’m unfortunately as bull-headed as my mother.”

They wander around the store briefly; Ellie finds a Led Zeppelin shirt she likes; Tess pays the mohawked cashier, silently thankful her need to rebel went into more productive avenues.

They walk up the length of the mall, window shopping.

“We’re gonna have to stop somewhere,” Tess points out gently.

If nothing else to get the girl some jeans. If the summer’s been any indication, Sarah’s broken in pairs won’t be sufficient for Ellie by the end of the year.

“Riley and I used to do this for hours,” Ellie says.

Tess isn’t sure if she was meant to hear that. She remains silent.

Tess’s tolerance for not having an objective is wearing thin just as Ellie heads into a store that looks to be mostly outerwear. To Tess’s eye it looks like Ellie’s grabbing every plaid flannel shirt in sight.

“Turning into a real miniature Joel, huh?” she teases sarcastically. “Good call though. That stuff’ll last long and keep you warm for whatever mountain winter we’ve got in store.”

With a few more shirts and a couple pair jeans Ellie seems satisfied with her choices. And truly if the kid is sprouting like a weed, no sense in completely overhauling her closet.

“Hey, thanks Tess,” Ellie says as they get back in the car. “I’ve never really got to pick anything for myself before.”

There’s a stab of sadness in Tess’s chest; she hadn’t even considered what this was to her.

Her last call to mama was to say she moved. She couldn’t bring herself to mention Joel, much less Ellie. Although she stands by Joel doing most of the heavy lifting, maybe she can do alright by Ellie in spite of herself. She’s nobody’s mama but she can be herself.

“Sure thing.”

\----------

“What the shit?”

It’s a common enough outburst from Ellie that while Sarah doesn’t dismiss it entirely, she doesn’t give it the same weight when Ellie and dad came home back in the spring.

“Something going on?” Sarah asks, looking up from her final curriculum adjustments.

“Compare the summer reading to a past or present political figure? I don’t know where to start with that.”

“What do they have you reading these days?”

Ellie shoves a recognizable Folger volume across the table. “Cory-whatever. I know ‘anus’ is in there.”

Sarah knows the high school English teacher is tough, but _Coriolanus_ is a lot for summer reading.

“She could have at least saved this one for during the school year,” Sarah frowns.

“Oh so you agree this is impossible?”

Sarah raises an eyebrow at Ellie. “I didn’t say that. The nice thing about Shakespeare is you can be pretty on the nose when making modern comparisons. We’re still reading him because he makes a lot of sense still.”

Ellie leans back in her seat and huffs. “I still don’t follow history enough for that.”

“You’re saying you can’t bullshit the average person’s understanding of the Fireflies and write a good paper?”

It gets the response out of Ellie Sarah was angling for. The kid’s smart; she wouldn’t have made it through all she has if she wasn’t, but Sarah’s tired of the theatrics around academics. All Sarah needed to do was speak Ellie’s language.

Ellie seems to focus after that, slowly but steadily putting pen to paper, but now Sarah’s distracted. “Marjorie really couldn’t have assigned _Hamlet_? That’s what I read sophomore year – way more relatable to moody teens than Roman generals.”

“That’s the one where he can’t make up his mind, right?”

Sarah smiles, “See? You already totally have this down.”

Ellie’s still working diligently when Sarah finishes and she wanders over to her bookshelf, scanning the spines for a single volume. She finds it soon enough and drops it on the table in front of Ellie.

“_Shakespeare’s Dirty Jokes and Puns_?”

“Dad says you love torturing him with some real stinkers, so here’s a few more to fuel the fire.”

Ellie’s completely abandoned her essay, which wasn’t exactly Sarah’s intent, but she’s glad Ellie’s grinning at the gift.

“You’re gonna have to explain some of them to me,” Ellie says. “But Joel’s old enough he’ll get ‘em anyway.”

Sarah considers for a moment there’s a fair number Ellie _shouldn’t_ repeat to dad, whether he’ll get them or not, but she’ll be sure to point them out.

“Yeah, tell him he’s as old as Shakespeare. He’ll love that.”

\----------

In her dreams, Ellie kills him.

It didn’t used to be like that, replays of her struggle with David. They ended the same way they did in life: Joel pulling her away and holding her first in the dream, then awake. He held her until her heart stopped beating loudly enough for him to hear.

Ellie’s needed it less and less since the winter. Maybe it’s because she’s healing. Maybe it’s because the dreams have given her a bloody substitute. Either way, she hasn’t woken up screaming since they moved into the house.

Tonight Ellie’s weapon is a blade like she watched Maria use to hack at the vegetation crowding the trail. Her imagination makes it feel so much more satisfying than previous weapons. When the dream is nearing its end, it doesn’t seem to stop. She just keeps hacking but Joel never arrives.

Ellie screams because what else can she do?

Joel’s arms grab her not in the dream, but in real life. Ellie’s eyes fly open, panting and drenched in sweat. “It’s alright baby girl, it’s okay.”

Ellie sniffs, realizing some of what’s on her face is tears, letting Joel rock her back and forth. Distantly, she hears rattling around the kitchen.

“I’ll be back in a second, okay?” Joel murmurs, standing up, leaving her there.

Nike rests his head on the edge of Ellie’s bed. Eyes adjusted to the dark, she can see him wagging his tail.

“Up, boy.”

He hops on, covering her face with sloppy kisses. Ellie can just barely make out Joel speaking quietly to Tess in the kitchen.

A few minutes pass and Joel returns with a steaming mug.

“This should help you get back to sleep. Big day tomorrow.”

Ellie takes the mug, slowly sipping. Joel insists on using milk for hot chocolate and hates the instant stuff Ellie knew all her life. She’s still getting used to it, but the hot milk makes her sleepy.

“Thanks, Joel.”

“Sure thing, kiddo.” The door clicks shut behind him.

Curled back under her blanket however, Ellie can’t seem to fall asleep. She’s losing the edge of the nightmare, but butterflies in her stomach replace it. Of course this would happen right before the first day of school.

Ellie’s afraid she won’t fall asleep again at all until her alarm clock is buzzing; she groans in protest. She doesn’t object to getting up early. She objects top getting up early because she’s told to.

Pushing Nike off the bed, Ellie throws off her blanket and runs for the bathroom, breakfast already wafting towards her. The shower water always takes a minute to get hot and it’s still a tiny bit too cold when she jumps in.

It takes a moment to decide which shampoo she wants to use. Sarah and Maria gave her bottles of what they don’t use anymore and they all smell nice. Joel complains about bowling pins in his bathroom but doesn’t make Ellie get rid of them.

Dressed, there’s already a plate of fried egg, toast, and most excitingly, bacon laid out for Ellie.

“Sleep okay?”

“It was alright,” Ellie replies. It’s not a lie.

Joel goes back to frying his own eggs as Ellie piles everything onto one slice of toast and sets the other on top. Joel catches a glimpse of her precarious breakfast sandwich and shakes his head.

“Isgoinsmplaz,” Ellie says with her mouth full.

“Don’t need to see all your chewed-up food.”

Joel eats his eggs in a much more boring way then breaks their silence. “I’ll keep an eye on the vial.”

“I know.” Strange as it is, Ellie’s gotten used to the secure feeling of knowing she’s protecting this dangerous thing. But if there’s anyone else in the world she trusts it with, it’s Joel.

“Bus’ll be here soon, better get a move on.”

“You coming with me?”

“You’re old enough you can go to the end of the drive yourself.”

He’s right, but Ellie feels a little deflated.

Waiting for the bus, looking up and down the mountain road. Ellie wishes she washed her hair the night before and not twenty minutes earlier, her ponytail a cold, wet, spot forming between her shoulder blades.

Just as the sun starts to peek from behind the trees, the bus comes rumbling over the hill. The driver doesn’t say good morning and aside from one of sleeping kid, no one else is on.

Ellie puts herself on a middle seat. Better not tread on who sits in the back or be a goody-two-shoes in the front. The bus jerks forward.

Ellie looks back towards the drive to see Joel watching; he turns on his heel, Nike following. Ellie takes a deep breath and looks outward.

\----------

The end of his recuperation is close. Joel fiddles as he makes calls to construction companies.

It’s been years now since he’s done any building reliably and he’d rather not have to bullshit his way through with a boss.

While the house he just bought suits their needs, it also betrays its low price. He gets to fixing up the kitchen cabinets and it snowballs from there, making repairs and planning future pieces of furniture.

Joel turns the unoccupied garage into an impromptu workspace. Ellie tends to hang around with him if he’s in there if she’s not with her new school friends. Tess less so, but Joel figures it means future projects can be a surprise.

Ellie’s got her chemistry textbook open across the workbench. As Joel watches her, it occurs to him what should be made next.

His testing of joints to fit pieces together draws Ellie’s attention.

“Watcha making?”

“Something that’ll hopefully take care of one of our problems for the time being.”

Joel nestles a smaller box for the cordyceps vial inside another. He buys some sheets of aluminum at the hardware store, lining both of the boxes with it. The box is sanded and varnished once Joel’s certain everything is flush without any gaps for air.

“Anyone can just smash it open,” Ellie points out as she watches Joel’s progress.

“True enough, but at least it’s stronger than glass. Got any ideas where to bury it? With all that hiking you and Nike have been doing.”

They set out one morning shortly after the first frost, before the ground’s frozen through. It won’t do to keep the vial in the house until next spring. Ellie leads the way with a shovel, Joel carries the box, Tess takes the rear with the rifle.

The hike goes higher and higher up the mountain, the air getting thinner as they go. Joel’s starting to get winded, slowly losing pace as Tess catches up to him.

“Do you wanna stop?” Tess asks just as Ellie calls out way ahead.

“I think here!”

It’s mostly vanity and a little hating their worry that causes Joel to hide how tired he is as Ellie breaks through the dirt with the shovel. They watch in silence as she goes deeper and deeper.

“That looks good to me,” Joel finally speaks up.

There are loose strands falling from Ellie’s ponytail and beads of sweat dripping down her face.

“You do the honors,” Joel says, passing the box to her.

It shouldn’t belong to either of them, but this is Ellie’s task. Joel knows it because she’s stubborn. He knows it by the look of resolution on her face, jaw set as she backfills the hole, kicking leaves over the freshly disturbed dirt.

“It won’t stay down there forever,” Tess points out.

“No, but it’s a little peace of mind for now,” Joel says putting his arm around Ellie’s shoulders, giving her a tight squeeze.

He doesn’t need Ellie’s support, but they walk side-by-side down the mountain.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been in high school in well over a decade so I don't know how the youths do it these days. Or in 2034 for that matter.


End file.
